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alright , i caved, ive had this journal for years, so i cant just LEAVE IT.
:::sigh:::
so here i am again, updating the unupdatable.
things are just swell.
peachy keen you might say.
matt isnt moving in.
we dont even talk very much, and when we do, hes drunk, so why bother. i reached out. not he'll have to reach in.
serena will be here soon. i cant wait.
jill might even come and stay with me. that would be wonderful. its been too long, and i miss her terribly, despite her horrible judgement.
i get payed this week.
and im getting inked.
stars. stars everywhere.
hot.
on another note.
im keeping him.
im so friggin mad for icky.
we're so dorky.
i love that.
cant wait to see him this week.
ps. cherry, he says hi back.Current Mood:  <3 |
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May. 2nd, 2005 @ 12:44 am
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you know who you are. . .
i miss you. |
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Take the quiz: "Who is your emo boyfriend?"
Bert
your so cool! you love to sing and scream in your songs. you also write your songs with feeling and emotion. |
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Apr. 24th, 2005 @ 11:02 pm
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i played frank
i rocked it
the people who i asked
came
they actually came
and i love them
i love the cast
they were so supportive.
awsome
amazing
looking forward to the next time.
maybe you'll be there
<3 |
| » change of plans. and now, im freaking out |
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after last night was done and over with, i was finding it hard to sleep.
this morning i woke up to a phone call from james.
at 11.
i knew it was no good.
i was right.
instead of playing columbia....
i am playing frank.
and youre all going to miss it.
i hate phoenix for stealing alyssa
i hate washington for stealing alicia.
they should be here
tonight
as my columbia
and magenta
<3
Apr. 23rd, 2005 @ 06:35 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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last night i was online.
staring at the freckles on my arms, in the glow of the monitor.
talking to russell.
we got to discussing what we were wearing to the event.
he, all black.
myself, all black.
we'll match.
that made him laugh.
but i was still torn between a black sweater and jeans,
my signature russell attire,
or that fantastic black dress.
i spoke to him, of my situation.
knowing that he wouldnt care.
but he did.
he asked what it looked like,
i told him.
it wasnt whorishly short.
its length hits right below my knees
and its 50's style.
he demanded that i wear the dress.
his defense:
hes never seen me in a dress.
completely true.
but i didnt want this to be the first time, that i would let him see me in a dress.
we went around and around for 3 hours.
fighting over what i was wearing.
i say jeans.
he says dress.
he makes me furious.
and he knows it.
at about 4 a.m.
we came to a decision.
he - long sleeved black shirt/black jeans
me - black dress/5 1/2 inch black heels
i hate conforming.
<3
Apr. 20th, 2005 @ 11:18 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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"Breathe (2 AM)"
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to critisize,
hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason
'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl,
So cradle your head in you hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe
May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist,
Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breahte
There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
But you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life they belong to
And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
oh breathe, just breathe.
~ Anna Nalick ~
Apr. 20th, 2005 @ 03:02 am
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| » i fell off the wagon - oh how hard i fell |
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i quit smoking, about two months ago you could say. its a dirrty little habit of mine. one that my friends, and myself, all seem to share. i was so proud of myself. i had that emergency pack, sitting in my bag, waiting for me. but i never touched it. it was the last pack i bought. Camel Turkish Gold.
this past week, as much as i have been looking forward to it, has been quite stressful. my mother, i believe has finally lost, any shred of a brain cell that she had left. and among other things, bryant is a complusive liar, as is his best friend chester. just so happens, as bryant was proclaiming his undying affection for me, he and his x were moving back in together. i love how those little details can slip a man's mind, when other things are implied.
but its ok. im a big girl, and i'll move on, just as i always do.
so i had a cigarette.
i hit up sally's today, and stocked up on all my columbia supplies, seeing as how, i was running low. and i also revamped my hair dye supply. why not kill two birds with one stone?
so much has to be done before friday. i have to re-think my choice of attire. the dress isnt quite fitting as i wanted. damn those fudge brownies. nothing that cant be lost, just not in two days.
maybe i just wont eat. - water all the way -
i have to repaint my nails before friday, and yes, youre right, im acting unusually girly. i dont wanna talk about it.
damn it
i love this dress.
fuck it. im not eating. i have to wear this. theres no other choice.
my hair isnt red-enough anymore. its auburn. and i just cant have that. fire truck, here i come.
avril lavigne offcially blows. - just thought id let you know -
im so tired. i never get enough sleep, even though it seems like i sleep for days, someone is always there to wake me up. in between, one of those semi-wonderful dreams, that will never come true. and i hate them for it. i never get to finish.
fuck it....
doesnt matter anyway right?
Apr. 20th, 2005 @ 01:08 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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You scored as Gail.
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Gail |
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60% |
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Becky |
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60% |
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Dwight |
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55% |
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Nancy |
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50% |
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Lucielle |
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45% |
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Marv |
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45% |
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Shelley |
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40% |
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Hartigan |
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30% |
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That Yellow Bastard |
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30% |
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Kevin |
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30% |
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Manute |
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30% |
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Jackie Boy |
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20% |
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Miho |
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20% |
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Goldie |
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15% | </td>
What Sin City Character are You?
created with QuizFarm.com</tr> |
Apr. 19th, 2005 @ 09:14 pm
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| » for the weasels of america |
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i am performing this weekend.
as columbia.
man oh man.
i am stoked.
completely, and i have been that way about rocky in a while.
this week is going to rock.
no work.
just play.
makes aryn a filthy girl.
<3
Apr. 18th, 2005 @ 06:45 pm
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| » thats right, i said your panties are gorgeous. |
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im off work all week.
thats right.
i even got sam to pick up my monday shift.
life is good.
i still have to find something to wear to the graduation.
of course it has to be amazing.
we'll see.
im not one for dresses.
unless its the black one of course.
black changes everything.
my equalibrium is off.
i have busted my ass at least 3 times today.
about 7 times, within the past 4 days.
no good.
and its official.
caleb is dating jamie
thats right.
Caleb Ruthstrom is dating Jamie Jiminez.
they have nicknames at work...
what the hell?
Pebbles & Bam Bam.
it couldnt be more correct.
<3
Apr. 17th, 2005 @ 10:02 pm
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| » calling tears from deep inside |
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ok.
i rock.
i have a date for next friday...
for the whole stupid graduation thing.
somehow, with my amazing powers od reason,
i talked russell into going with me.
my entire family will be there
including Christoph's girlfriend, Mary.
and russell, still said he would come.
all he is concerned about, is if he can smoke in front of them or not.
typical.
<3
Apr. 16th, 2005 @ 09:42 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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1.) i need a date. its really the most important thing. next friday, is my aunts graduation from nursing school. and i cant go alone. just cant.
2.) i fell asleep at 5/ this afternoon. what the hell? am i 4 or something? i guess i just needed rest. but now, my entire system is thrown off. and i'll have to be awake for days, until it straightens out again.
3.) while at work thursday, my married, thats right married, co-worker tried to kiss me, in one of the wait stations. i really have NO TOLERANCE for cheating men. only because i have been a victim to every cheating man in galveston. i hope my co-worker burns in hell.
im so bored with myself. and i have come to the realization, that i have absolutely no friends in galveston. sure, i have russell, and bryant, but theyre not my friends, theyre unreliable, and for the most part, cold-hearted. all of my friends, live in houston. i do not associate with my co-workers, and when i do, i usually live to regret it, seeing as how most of them are unintelligent, dense, and live for drinking. so. here i am, alone, and bored with myself. its not that i dont enjoy, my alone time, but it would be nice to have a friend drive over every once and a while. and no one wants to drive from houston. which i am fully aware of. ah well
there i go complaining again.
<3
Apr. 15th, 2005 @ 11:46 pm
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| » so tell me |
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im tired of this.
i have to work tomarrow.
i picked up a shift.
seeing as how i have nothing better to do.
seth sent me a letter.
telling me he cheated on me.
when we were together.
men are great.
i miss my friends.
goober is useless.
despite his intentions.
i miss my friends.
and i would love to see them....
outside of rocky.
if we could arrange that.
it would be lovely.
Apr. 13th, 2005 @ 10:49 pm
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| » devine intervention |
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my brother has met his match
she came to the car today in satin pajama pants,
carrying a jar with water and a goldfish in it.
the fish's name is "dewie"
mary is a crazy kid
reminds me of myself
when i was about that age.
completely out of the ordinary.
now im afraid im quite ordinary.
with my job, my constant job.
taking care of the chillin's
watching movies at night
man,
im really loving this
<3
Apr. 12th, 2005 @ 06:12 pm
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| » who could alicia be talking about?! inquiring minds, must know!! |
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If there is someone on your friends list you would like to take, strip naked, tie them to a bed post, lick them until they scream, then fuck them until both of you are senseless and unable to fuck anymore, then wait about five minutes and do it all over again, then post this exact sentence in YOUR journal.
<3
Apr. 12th, 2005 @ 01:58 am
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| » my love song |
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"It Can't Come Quickly Enough"
Sailling through the tunnels
In the morning by yourself
There's a very special feeling
True sensation all is well
If you stand and reach your arms out wide
Close your eyes and try to fly
It's an underground illusion
Tricking you from side to side
We knew all the answers
And we shouted them like anthems
Anxious and suspicious
That God knew how much we cheated
It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and left you so defeated
Skyscrapers rise between us
Keeping me from finding you
If the concrete architecture
Dissapeared there'd be so few
Of us left to navigate and
Defend ourselves from the tide
It's an underground illusion
Tricking you from side to side
There's no indication of
What we were meant to be
Sucking up to strangers
Throwing wishes to the sea
It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and
Left you so defeated
- Scissor Sisters -
Apr. 8th, 2005 @ 11:03 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Advanced Global Personality Test Results
| Extraversion |
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76% |
| Stability |
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36% |
| Orderliness |
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13% |
| Empathy |
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56% |
| Interdependence |
|||||||||||||| |
56% |
| Intellectual |
|||||||||||||||||| |
76% |
| Mystical |
|||||||||||||| |
56% |
| Artistic |
|||||||||||||||||||| |
90% |
| Religious |
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10% |
| Hedonism |
|||||||||| |
36% |
| Materialism |
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23% |
| Narcissism |
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36% |
| Adventurousness |
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56% |
| Work ethic |
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50% |
| Self absorbed |
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50% |
| Conflict seeking |
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83% |
| Need to dominate |
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63% | |
| Romantic |
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76% |
| Avoidant |
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43% |
| Anti-authority |
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56% |
| Wealth |
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10% |
| Dependency |
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30% |
| Change averse |
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23% |
| Cautiousness |
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36% |
| Individuality |
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83% |
| Sexuality |
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70% |
| Peter pan complex |
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23% |
| Physical security |
|||||||||||||||||||| |
83% |
| Food indulgent |
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23% |
| Histrionic |
|||||||||| |
36% |
| Paranoia |
|||||||||||||||||| |
76% |
| Vanity |
|||||||||||||| |
56% |
| Hypersensitivity |
|||||||||||||||| |
70% |
| Female cliche |
|||||||||||||||| |
63% | | | Take Free Advanced Global Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com">
Apr. 7th, 2005 @ 09:09 pm
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snowhite17's journal